Diagnoses

When I was five years old,

I spent too much time looking at cows

and not enough time dancing,

    and I lost my chance to be on stage

        when hurting something turned into hurting someone.

My mom said the first doctors to take a look

told her that I clung too much,

but she thinks it only happened

    because they tried to pull us apart.

My mom said that everyone takes pills.

    Everyone is depressed.

    Everyone is missing pieces of the puzzle,

    but she wouldn't say it like that

        when it turned what I did into not my fault.

When I was eighteen years old,

two doctors called me crazy,

but I was raised to believe they were right

    and the only things hurt were the names left unsaid.

I kept searching for answers in a book of labels

and trying to find the exact one that would fix me,

    but I was never broken from something inside

    and the tools to absolve her can't be used to heal.