Criminal Record

I am in my childhood home,

and She is here, like I never left.

I am changed,

and I counter the biting words with my own,

spoken louder, and stronger.

But I am angrier, not stronger,

and there is a moment where I can't take it any longer.

Clenched fists with hot knuckles,

or hands around the throat,

or palms made rough by a weapon,

blunt enough to bruise, not kill.

And the moment ends with the anger fleeting,

the fear hollowing my stomach,

because I can't take back what I've done,

and I know She'll make me regret it

for far more moments to come.

Notes: I used to have dreams like this all the time and now, I rarely do. it's insane to me that these feelings and near-behaviors led me to think that I had a disorder, as if it's all the result of a brain abnormality and not a human reaction to something deeply inhuman. when you take aggressive people out of literal hell, it turns out that most of them are pretty chill ;P