The Very Important Personalities

I have always been hesitant to make a page like this. the way my system works feels very... complicated, and I don't really know how to describe my personalities with a list of adjectives or hobbies. I settled on using this page to name the headmates that are most important (that I'm comfortable sharing) and explain what role they play in my life, whether that be our relationship together, how they help me spiritually grow, or the parts of myself that they represent. their existence goes far beyond how they help me, so you can't get to know them from this page alone. this entire website is about me and it still doesn't capture everything I am; the same can be said about my alters.

to explain terminology a little... all my personalities are parts, but not all my parts are personalities. I use the words headmates, alters, personalities, and parts interchangibly, however I do not apply the label of headmate/alter/personality to the parts that don't have full agency or a sense of self. I also use I/me pronouns rather than we/us because I (Casper M. Valentine) represent all the parts as a collective. for the other plurals reading this, I'm a former multiple system that is now mostly median and I don't use specific origin labels to describe the complicated mix of where my parts come from. unless you're a close friend that I know in person, I dislike being referred to with you&, collective they/them pronouns, Casper & co, etc. it does the opposite of affirm my plurality.

Casper Valentine

waah? I'm on my own VIPs list??

I feel like it's worth mentioning that I am technically still an individual personality within my own system. try to view it as this: Casper Valentine is me as a part, and Casper M. Valentine is me as a whole. the individual Casper part of me represents distrust in medical professionals, insanity as creativity, and self-determination in the face of people who are set on misunderstanding me. these traits are core to my collective identity now.

Frey Landvik

Frey is one of the two personalities that I was born with. he doesn't represent anything, he's just a guy. the role he plays for me has more to do with our relationship. he's always been this forever friend in my blurry memories, whether I'm remembering something as Casper (the individual headmate) or another part. we started dating in my freshman year of college, and to be honest, it got messy. the messiness of it all was actually pretty important, though. in the past, my romantic relationships usually went the same every time: partner is kind of the worst, I say nothing because I don't want to be alone, partner goes too far, I assert myself one time, partner dumps me. with friends it was often my fault, I blew up over unrelated stuff and used that as an excuse to cut them off when the problem was actually just me leaving the honeymoon phase of a new friendship. me and Frey couldn't really break up over these pressure points, we live in the same body, so we taught each other what unconditional, evolving love is and learned how to actually resolve seemingly relationship-ending conflicts.

Cloud

Cloud originally represented a childlike helplessness, but after things got better, they became the bossy, opinionated kid that I would've been if I didn't have a caregiver that wanted me to be quiet and passive. when they front, it's a bit like age regression in that I'm able to enjoy very simple things in a way that a kid can, but the regression isn't really for comfort. Cloud is pretty sharp/mature for their age and doesn't like being coddled.

Jessica

Jessica represents intense feelings of disappointment, dependency on a caregiver to solve problems, and a need for approval. she's basically the opposite of Cloud, kind of like age regression but centered around feeling small/needing to be coddled. it's hard for her to feel positive emotions on her own because of that, but now that I view myself as the adult that solves problems and learns from my mistakes enough to try again later, she mostly co-fronts with Cloud to be able to experience joy alongside them.

Jasper Valentine (integrated)

out of all the integrations I've experienced, Jasper is the one that still feels very much like me. the Jasper part of me represents emotional vulnerability, hypersexuality, and a need for genuine understanding. the constant emotional rawness caused binge drinking in college, but it eventually led to me being able to do deeper processing with edibles in a way that really helps me. the Casper/Jasper integration is part of my journey towards having a more balanced relationship with empathy and my sexuality, not too much and not too little.

Jazz Emmerich (integrated)

Jazz was my long-term boyfriend when I was Jasper. he represented an affinity for cooking, gender nonconformity (being a hyperfeminine masc-aligned person), impulsivity towards money, and the somewhat pretentious artist that I tried so desperately to bury. some of those traits probably sound like bad things, but the impulsivity towards money was in stark contrast with my immense reluctance to spend any money, so the integration led to me feeling more comfortable spending money for the sake of having fun. also, if you're an artist that critiques stuff with your work, you gotta be a little pretentious about art. once I felt confident in my abilities to not only cook good food, but learn from my mistakes and do it better next time, Jazz stopped being separate.

Dea Emmerich and Osric Emmerich

Jasper and Jazz had three kids--Dea, Osric, and Eli. even now that Dea/Osric are integrated, something that I made happen with automatic writing, it's a little hard for me to properly explain what they represented. from what I understand, Dea represents a fear of abandonment and bright, colorful femininity. Osric represents childhood interest, particularly things that are on the math/logical side of things (programming, video games). they were separate personalities because I lost my colors/hobbies due to depression, and their integration was the culmination of restoring those aspects of my identity. this website just so happens to be part of that restoration. if you wanna know what mental illness recovery is besides no longer having the negative symptoms psychiatry puts so much weight on, you're looking at it.