Favorites

Fiction Books

The Collection: Short Fiction from the Transgender Vanguard - published by Topside Press

my queer aunt gave me this book shortly after I came out, and for a while, I just put it on a shelf to collect dust. when I eventually felt comfortable in my identity, though, I decided to pick it up and give it a shot. reading it instantly kickstarted my love for anthologies. some people might brush it off for the mix of quality, but I see a lot of value in experimental and/or inexperienced writing that puts its plot and characters first. my favorite short story from it is "Saving" by Carter Sickels, both because it does a lot of the things I aspire to do in my character-driven stories and because it spoke to a side of transmasculinity that I feel is often overlooked, misunderstood, and/or outright demonized by younger trans people.

Bound in Flesh: An Anthology of Trans Body Horror - published by Ghoulish Books

after reading the Collection, I was hungry for more trans anthologies. it turns out a lot of them are in the horror genre... I wonder why :P

every single story in this anthology had me at the edge of my seat, and I read the whole thing in probably three days. body horror often runs the risk of getting too needlessly gross, but I think that this anthology does a pretty good job featuring stories that avoid that problem. my favorite short stories in it are "Coming Out" by Derek Des Agnes and "Fall Apart" by gaast. Coming Out involves a lot of psychological horror that speaks to my experience having my plurality be intertwined with my gender, and Fall Apart genuinely helped me start learning to accept the way my medical transition went, which wasn't exactly how I planned.

The Evening Hour - Carter Sickels

I picked up this book because it was written by the author of my favorite short story in The Collection. every single sentence is pointed and meaningful, in ways that remind me of my own writing during early drafts, where the most important thing I needed to be on paper was the emotional beats. all the characters feel developed enough for you to understand that the world does not revolve around the narration and the main character, but continues on past it. the way thematic elements are incorporated into the story is beautifully done, especially in regards to Pentecostalism. it made me realize I needed to incorporate religion into my own work way more, and gave me a special appreciation for rural communities/small towns.

Defying Doomsday - published by Twelfth Planet Press

I found this book in my hunt for anthologies. given the fact that my first major project is primarily about disabled people living through the apocalypse, I was happy to learn that this is not an untapped well. I was also happy to find that these type of stories really do lend themselves to leftism and the feeling of hope that I try to highlight in my own work.

my favorite short stories in it are "Something in the Rain" by Seanan McGuire and "Portobello Blind" by Octavia Cade. Something in the Rain features a main character that has the same diagnoses as one of my main characters, and I was thrilled to see such a different interpretation of how someone diagnosed with schizophrenia and autism would adapt to the end of the world. Seanan McGuire's website is also what inspired me to make this one, because one of the things holding me back was the idea that my website would have to be as modern and lifeless as all the famous authors' websites I have seen in the past. Portobello Blind is down-to-earth in a way that I wish more stories that feature disability were, where it's not about overcoming major obstacles that would be challenging for even a non-disabled person, but having small triumphs that are meaningful all the same. that experience is a bit more reflective of my own life, as I never really achieved the success that I set out to, but I found something else that gave me a sense of purpose a little closer to my limitations.

Nonfiction Books

Confessions of a Sociopath - M.E. Thomas

a friend recommended this book when I was trying to make sense of my own antisocial tendencies. it's an authentic, brutally honest piece about the author and her sociopathy, embarrassing flaws and all. there were times where I could relate to what she described and times where I absolutely could not, and the best part about this book is that anyone that reads it can have that kind of experience. it helped me gain a better understanding of who I am and feel less isolated, both by giving me words to describe what's going on and emphasizing the fact that everyone is going to have some of these traits (and that's not inherently a bad thing!)

The Body Keeps the Score - Bessel van der Kolk

I spent years researching DID and trauma through a very specific clinical lens after I got diagnosed, and that really warped my perspective on who I am and how "mental illness" can present. when I finally had a therapist that actually treated me as a whole person with trauma, I asked her if she had any suggestions for books, she said that the Body Keeps the Score was all I'd ever need. this was the book that guided me towards my psychiatric abolition stance, not because it's actually about psychiatric abolition, but because it highlights the flaws in our current medical model for mental healthcare and presents humanizing alternatives. I'm so glad I read it, because without it, I would still be defining myself first by the oppressive diagnostic terms that were slapped on me rather than terms that empower me.

All of Me - Kim Noble

I genuinely would not be the writer I am today without this book, and I think that anyone who is interested in truly, deeply understanding what it means to experience dissociative systemhood without internal communication should read it. because my first experience with other plurals was relegated to a very small space full of social media users, a large amount of the content I read was about the personalities, who they are and how they interact. All of Me isn't about having multiple personalities; it's about living in a world where things just happen or change without the author really knowing why for most of her life, but having to make sense of it and survive it all the same. this was very much my experience growing up, and though I have internal communication and a deeper connection with my alters now, some part(s) of me still dissociatively stumble through life.

Manga/Graphic Novels

Fullmetal Alchemist - Hiromu Arakawa

Fullmetal Alchemist is the first manga I ever read, and unfortunately, it ruined me for other manga by being the best of the best. I've probably reread it 4 times throughout my life, and with each reread, I understand a bit more of the themes and messages than I did the last time. it was essentially a starting point for my anti-war, anti-authoritarian beliefs, all while still being a fun, action-packed story with a lot of heart. it also almost got me into chemistry, but I ended up failing that section of eighth grade and didn't try again.

Games

999: 9 Hours, 9 Persons, 9 Doors and Zero Escape: Virtue's Last Reward

I played 999 around the time I had my psychotic break at fifteen years old—needless to say, it latched onto my brain pretty hard. the Zero Escape series was the start of my love for alternate timeline stories, along with story-driven games that incorporate the medium itself into the plot. the DS versions of these games involve a lot of reading, but the remastered version that adds voice acting to 999 loses what made the split-screen part of the gameplay so special. there are probably more subtle nods to ZE in my writing than I even know about, ranging from elements of the plot itself to how I approach storytelling.

I hated Zero Time Dilemma, though. in general, these games got more bizarre and far-fetched with each one. I recommend 999 for anyone that likes visual novels/story games with horror elements, so long as you're fine with a bit of autistic infodumping. VLR is a bit more of an acquired taste, but I still love it, plotholes and all.

The Walking Dead (Seasons 1-4)

The Walking Dead was the first game I played in college, after years of having my access to things like video games and the internet in general be heavily restricted. along with giving me something to look forward to when I was incredibly depressed, it shaped my first major writing project and all the additional series that are going to come out of it. in a sea of zombie media that was all about guts and glory, TWDG's focus on love, redemption, and the kinds of characters that were overlooked in what I'd already seen made me realize there is so much more to this genre than survivalism. on a game design level, the first season in itself was genre-changing for adventure games. I wasn't the biggest fan of S2, but S3 and S4 are incredibly good, despite what some obnoxious gamers say about it.

Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky

I think that everyone that played this game would consider it, at the very least, a favorite game from childhood. it's the first game that ever made me cry, and it's also the game that gave me my life-long love of skitty. as a kid, I made so much art expanding the worldbuilding already present in the game and spent even longer just daydreaming about it. when I have to write about a final goodbye, I play "Don't Ever Forget" or "Farther Away" to make myself cry along with my characters. it works every time.

Until Dawn

I'll be honest—one of the primary reasons I love this game so much is because I hate the game director David Cage. as you might've been able to tell, games where your choices change the story are a special interest of mine. I obsess over every garbage game that comes out of Quantic Dream, and one of the things that made me love Until Dawn is that it does exactly what Quantic Dream fails to do. there are no "game overs" in Until Dawn, but there's also no unsatisfying endings. it's funny, it's tense, and there's something at stake with almost every prompt. though it dips into a lot of cliches, some more flawed than others, it finds a way to subvert them in unique ways. it didn't pull at my heart strings or anything, but it didn't have to.

Toontown Rewritten

out of all the kids games that I played for nostalgia reasons, Toontown Rewritten is the only one that holds up. growing up, I didn't play much of Toontown Online compared to Club Penguin and Webkinz, mainly because my parents were only willing to fork over money for those games. it's always a shame when MMOs are taken down, but the one benefit is that Toontown Rewritten has all the features that were originally behind a paywall for free. along with being most true to the original game in terms of private servers out there, I've found that the in-game community is really friendly and welcoming. it's also much larger than most private servers of dead games, which is important with how much of the game requires collaboration.

Movies

Nope

I watched this movie with my friends on Halloween. it was the first Jordan Peele movie I saw, and the moment I remembered that the horse jockey in "the Horse in Motion" was never actually identified, I understood exactly why everyone loves his movies so much. every single character was charming in their own way, all experiencing their own narrative arc, and the plot itself contained this deep sense of humanity that even other movies I really like can't fully capture. there are so many layers to it, too many to fully understand in just one watch. I think I can safely say that Peele is making not just good movies, but incredible works of art.

Annihiliation

my girlfriend showed me this movie as a way to convince me to stop hating sci-fi, a feeling that stemmed mostly from only seeing action sci-fi that I didn't like very much. needless to say, it worked. I am very fond of horror elements that lean more towards "unsettling" rather than "scary," especially in ways that speak to the fears that my psychosis latched onto when I didn't have a great grip on it—in particular, my fear of me and/or the people I love being replaced by clones.

Saw (1-7)

okay, hear me out. the Saw franchise holds a special place in my heart after I binge-watched up to Saw 3D in college, when I was so depressed and paranoid that I normally crashed in the afternoon. it's not a masterpiece, and I honestly watched it more for the baffling plots than any other reason one might watch Saw. it's just so dumb, and I love it. also, Mark Hoffman is an exception to my demisexuality. I mean, look at those lips—can you blame me?

Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse / Across the Spiderverse

I watched Into the Spiderverse shortly after a life-changing, traumatic event over my winter break during college. it lifted my spirits when nothing else would, and needless to say, it quickly became a favorite. I was never into superhero movies, but the incredible art style(s) got me interested in animation again. years later, I've learned to push how vibrant my colors can be, and I think it's partly due to the Spiderverse's influence on me.

Cloverfield

I write very character-driven stories, so I like when other stories do the same thing. Cloverfield is described as a monster horror film, but it's more about the main characters and their reaction to the crisis surrounding the monster's appearance than it is about the monster itself. in fact, the actual shots of the monster are few and far between, and that's the kind of thing I try to do in my own work. for me, the horror of trying to evacuate a city that's being destroyed around you without fully grasping why is more intense than the horror of actually seeing the monster itself doing all the destruction.

TV Shows/Anime

Trailer Park Boys

I first watched this show with my dad, and then with my girlfriend. it's one of the few things where I feel that every single joke lands, but at the same time, here's also this sense of home that's always present. characters are often just... accepted for who they are? Randy and Mr. Lahey are gay, but the part that's played for laughs is the bizarre fetish roleplay they do, not the fact that they're gay. there's more than one arc where a few characters attempt a polyamorous relationship, and the comedy is always the dysfunctional dynamic that plays out, not the polyamory itself.

this, of course, is all about the season before Netflix picked it up. as far as I'm concerned, Trailer Park Boys ended with season seven.

Better Call Saul

I honestly feel like Jimmy McGill is a fantastic representation of someone with antisocial tendencies, even if Vince Gilligan didn't outright state that was what he was going for. Jimmy's motivations are easy to follow, never about hurting random people for fun, and I almost always rooted for him even when I knew that he was solely in the wrong in a given conflict. his relationship with Kim felt very reminiscient of one I had in the past at times, down to the moment where the revenge schemes abruptly went too far, and it was too late to go back.

Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood

FMA:B is one of the most faithful adaptions of a manga that I think I've ever seen, which is good, because the source material it's based on is worth preserving as much as possible. I've watched it 4-5 times, some on my own and some with people I care about (my dad, friends). being able to share it with loved ones is what puts it in its own space instead of just lumping it together with the manga.

Youtube

Breadtube (Hbomberguy, Lily Alexandre, Big Joel, Boy Boy)

I use the word "Breadtube" as a tongue and cheek thing here. while Boy Boy basically only makes leftist content, Hbomberguy, Lily Alexandre, and Big Joel all have a variety of topics they dive into—it's just that they're leftists while they do it. Hbomerguy never fails to make me laugh, and I often watch his videos at least twice, even though they're hours long. Lily Alexandre has some incredible essays that entertwine art, gender, and tech in a really interesting way—my favorite video of hers is "Transition Regret & the Fascism of Endings", which discusses topics that I actually try to incorporate into a lot of my writing. Big Joel has a particular comedic charm to his editing that always makes me laugh, and Boy Boy is covers some really important topics that, even as a leftist myself, I often didn't know about. they make jokes about their status as Youtubers in comparison to journalists a lot, but I truly feel like their videos are a form of journalism at times.

Internet Culture Video Essays (STRANGE ÆONS, Izzzyzzz)

I am fascinated by internet culture, especially when it ties into the culture of my childhood. my favorite videos by STRANGE ÆONS are the ones where she talks about cults around internet communities (Snapewives, for example), and also anything that involves the Muppet Joker. Izzzyzzz's channel honestly feels like what I would do if I had a Youtube channel myself, and I talk about the subject of "Why Are There No Online Spaces For Kids Anymore?" all the time in my daily life. these two Youtubers don't exclusively cover internet culture, but that's the reason I fell in love with their videos.

Engineering/Science (William Osman, I did a thing, Michael Reeves)

while I categorize the Youtubers I put as examples here as engineering and science youtubers, what I like about them more than what they're making are their personalities and sense of humor. I'll watch just about any video these guys put up, regardless of the subject. this is especially the case with William Osman, who basically only uploads to his side channel now. I found William Osman's channel when I was in college, having a very bad time, and watching his videos was something I had to look forward to when I lost interest in video games and art. I found the other two through his content.

Comedy (The McElroy Family, Wizards with Guns, Man Carrying Thing)

you've probably noticed that the other Youtubers I've mentioned so far are also comedic, even if I don't consider them to have comedy channels. while I do like essays and deep-dives into a topic, I often need to be in a particular state to absorb much of it, and watching comedy is what helps me get into that state. it's low pressure, but it gets me paying attention. Monster Factory was another thing that I could look forward to when I didn't have any hobbies to fall back on anymore; I can't count how many times I've rewatched the Final Pam series.

I found Man Carrying Thing and Wizards with Guns a few years after graduating, and they're also the kind of channels where I'll watch anything they put out. I am particularly fond of the political skits from Man Carrying Thing, and I can't think of a single Wizards with Guns video that wasn't funny the whole time. I regularly quote the "I had to suck my own dick, to survive" line from this skit with my girlfriend.

Music

Pop and Dance Rock (YOASOBI/Ayase, imase, Eve)

I often describe my music preferences as "fast and loud." I appreciate how artists like Eve and YOASABI can create music with a quick tempo that still has beautiful lyrics, though I obviously can't understand them unless I listen to an English cover of the song. I personally taught myself how to write better poetry based on English translations of YOASOBI's work. imase doesn't have the same kind of lyrics in their music, but I can't think of a single one of their songs that doesn't make me want to dance. my alter Prizma's music-related gender is mostly influenced by the stuff imase puts out.

all those bands/musicians I just metioned are Japanese, but there's plenty of bands outside of Japan that I like in this genre, some in other parts of East Asia (like South Korea) and some across the globe. I would put my favorite artists I found through their English covers in this category as well: Will Stetson, Rachie, and Trickle. I wouldn't call them just cover artists, though, since most of them have their own original music now.

Folk, Folk Punk, and Country (the Oh Hellos, AJJ, Dylan Gossett)

these artists and the genres they fall under are pretty varied, but I lump them together here because of the reason I like them. folk as a genre captures the feelings that I want to have in my own art/writing, the personhood of the singer and the folklore of people. some country music is able to tell stories in a similar way, but not all of it. I used to be really averse to country music, and then I started writing a story about an imaginative Texan boy impacted by the foster care system and found some really good country music that made me think of him—namely, Finally Stop Dreaming and Somewhere Between.

the Oh Hellos' music is very peaceful and inspiring to me. I'm not a Christian UU, but I still appreciate a lot of Christian artwork, and I find their songs about Christianity particularly beautiful and profound. AJJ has this raw type of storytelling that I really want to eventually emulate with my poetry, at least when talking about feelings that can only be conveyed with a hoarse, biting tone. I eventually stopped liking a lot of the punk bands I listened to when I was younger, but AJJ still holds up.